Sunday, February 9, 2014

The Old and the New

my facebook feed is taken up by three categories of news items:
1) sponsered ads for weight loss products. guess they have me pegged.
2) friends with babies. lots of babies eating rice cereal for the first time or rolling over or staring blank-eyed into the iPhone camera for a mommy/baby selfie. i love every picture because i am guilty of posting dozens of snapshots of my Sweet Potato, and i now understand the joy behind each picture.
3) friends without babies doing Very Interesting Things. like jumping off cliffs in australia, wandering the streets of paris, or eating a molten lava cake at the chili’s. i literally lump all of your pictures together now, as they speak of an Old Life.

there was a certain amount of dying to self (which is a Christian way of saying suck it up)  when I got married. my goals now had to be meshed with Our goals and my desires sometimes took a backseat to serve my spouse. i say sometimes because i have a strong desire to still Do My Own Thing and Voice That Assertively.

but The Sweet Potato has a much louder voice and stronger will. so when she came along, suddenly, i did not exist for any purpose other than keeping her alive and comfortable.

in my first few weeks post-partum, i realized how many things were now in my Old Life. i had done my fair share of traveling. i stayed out till all hours with best friends on the weekends. i had casually gone shopping at Target with nothing but a debit card and a cell phone.

my daughter, until very recently, nursed every two hours round the clock. in the first few weeks, she seemed to nurse every hour. i felt like i  couldn’t see friends, go on car rides that lasted longer than 7-10 minutes, or have a conversation with the husband. i realize this is what it means to have a newborn baby, and i knew it would change things, but until it happens, it’s a little shocking.

now that we are working on settling the Sweet Potato into her nighttime routine in a crib, any social engagement after 7pm seems like a long  ago dream.  

i say all these things, not to complain, but to illustrate that a very stark line was drawn on October 4. that line separated the Old from the New. and this New thing is costly.

but the Good things in my life are just that-costly.  marriage has been costly. my education (holy cow yes it has been) is costly. and the Sweet Potato is costly.

which got me wondering about the Best Good Thing-my relationship with Jesus. how costly has it been? typing that is a bit scary. but leaves me wondering….my sacrifices as a mother have just begun but they pale in comparison to the treasure of having my daughter. how much more would i like to say that i have forsaken the good things to treasure the Ultimate.  

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