New favorite!

Last week, I  had this tickle in my throat. You know, the kind that fills you with dread as you picture the next week and a half of congestion and late night coughing fits. I drank tea. I took naps. And still, it felt like the Jaws theme music was playing in my head as I just felt...icky. Duh nuh. Duh nuh. Duhnuhdunuh!

Enter this new favorite product-the On Guard beadlets. This cute little package included some sort of immune boosting wonder, because I took a couple a day for a few days and I'm happy to report that nary a tissue was used!  It wasn't an instant cure, but I definitely never got the dreaded cold that invariably follows the sore throat. Bonus: they taste like Christmas! 

Let me know if you want to know more!

I've Got This

For the past couple of years, our household has lived in a state of uncertainty. We rarely know what to expect from month to month or week to week. Our modus operandi has been to step forward without even seeing the path on which we walk.

We have made huge, life-changing decisions without much of worldly security. 

I am not a poster child of faith in that I have basically freaked out at every twist and turn. I'm not going lie: it can be a scary place.

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In my years of teaching and working with children, I have had some kids who struggle with anxiety. A common theme for these kids is always wanting me to post the day's schedule on the board. They are the ones who walk into the classroom and immediately ask what we are doing. When disruptions in our schedule occur, they are the ones who sit, fidgeting, and ask a million questions  about how this will affect our plans.

Often, in a moment of exasperation, I answer, "Don't worry- I've got this."

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I am a problem solver. When there is a crisis, my first instinct is to make a list.

A physical list.

 I am not exaggerating. In the hardest times in my adult life, I have made more lists than I care to admit, and I rely on these lists to create calm in my life. With each check mark I feel calm returning, but only temporarily.

Lately,  I think God is telling me to stop relying on these lists- these daily plans and schedules. My prayers revolve around endless questions and concerns as life disruptions have come.

The thing is, lists are good. Schedules are good. Plans are good. But I have made them the Ultimate. Rather than seeking Him, I seek the Plan. The next step. The security of being able to check every box. 

"Don't worry. I've got this."

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.- Matthew 6:33

This post took me entirely too long to write.

Blame it on my upbringing, my elementary school professional experience, or my burgeoning type A personality, but I am constantly aware of the rapid passing of time.

When I was in college, I read this book by John Piper called Don't Waste Your Life. In all honesty, I read the back cover and first two pages, which is generally how things go with me and John Piper. It kind of messed me up because ever since then, I have been terrified of wasting time.

In an attempt to describe how my brain works, I tend to visualize units of time like Tetris pieces that need to fit together perfectly. I wake up every morning trying to guide those little pieces into comforting alignment.

This leads me to do crazy things like read textbooks while I nurse and freak out if I buy too many fresh vegetables for fear I won't have time to cook them before they rot.

Are you familiar with The Five Love Languages? Can you guess what mine is?

I have written before about how I am learning how to sit and be still, and I say learning because it lets me get away with not actually "getting" it.

 One of my favorite things about my daughter is that she doesn't care about time. She doesn't care that it's Nine O'Clock and Should Be Nap Time because she's ready to play. She does this really cute thing where she'll be nursing and suddenly stop, look me in the eye, and start cracking up. She's not thinking about the fact that if she doesn't eat now, that will push mommy's departure time back 10 minutes, making her late for a meeting.

It can be maddening, but I envy it.

But mostly, I'm thankful that she's teaching me that time is less of a thing to be managed and more of a gift to be joyfully given.

What a mama

After a stressful week of working 40+ hours, barely seeing my little one, and being hit with one "lemon" after another, I let my hubs put the baby to bed and drove over to the house of a dear friend. After putting her sweet daughter to bed, we poured glasses of red wine and ate freshly baked chocolate chip cookies which I'm sure have healing properties, both physically and spiritually. And after hashing out our lives of late, we anxiously spoke of our relationships with our girls and hoped that our daughters would love us and we would love them and we would have sweet relationships with them into adulthood.

Something I couldn't have understood until becoming a parents myself is that I am legitimately obsessed with my daughter. Think what you want, but when I look at her, I see the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. Thinking of her slamming the door on me after a hormone-fueled argument or knowing that she may see my name pop up on her caller ID (or whatever they'll have in 15 years) and not taking my call...well, it's almost more than I can handle.

We thought of moms and daughters who have good relationships, knowing that every relationship has its flaws and trials. They shared one common theme.

That mama loved the Lord. She took the time to cultivate her own relationship with Jesus and fostered the same in her daughter. 

My own mom is the daughter of a Brit and went to boarding school in England, so she was my "mum." 

Mum prayed with me and answered all my God questions and although she has always worked full-time, I have never felt that she didn't have time for me. I remember talking with her while she cooked dinner or ironed in the kitchen, and even now I'm sure I take up way too much of her time by calling on the phone a few times a week. 

What a blessing it is to have a mother whose heart is close to the Lord's. How much I hope that my daughter can say that of me.  

"Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our natal sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!"
-William Ross Wallace (1865)

Why I am The Rookie

My sweet husband believes I should not dub myself as the Rookie.

The more I learn, the more I do, the more I experience, the more I realize how little I know.

As I begin my 7th year as a professional educator, I am leaving the classroom that I love in order to pursue three things:

1) More time at home.  I will be working 4 days out of the week, leaving one sweet extra day to play with my little girl.
2) Time to complete my thesis year of graduate school. I'm extremely excited about the ideas swirling around my head in this arena!
3) An opportunity to grow professionally as a magnet coordinator and intervention specialist.

While I have years of classroom experience, I am a new mom. I am new to this job. And while I am anxiously excited, I am ready to start a new journey! It seems, however, that I've been "starting a new journey" every year for the past 10 or so. And thus, regardless of my station in life, I hope I remain the Rookie.

 This year. Work during nap time with toys in the background.... It's crazy and I love it.