Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Daylight and Quaker Oats

There's this Quaker granola bar commercial that features a haggard looking mom who pours OJ in her kid's cereal and groans when she realizes she has donned two different pointy-toed heels to work. All of her problems are miraculously solved, however, when a hot air balloon appears outside of her window, bearing gifts of dried fruit and granola in a neatly wrapped package. Suddenly, she is bright and beautiful again, even shooting hoops with the fam! The wonders of oats, I tell ya.

I have this strong and annoying desire for a quick fix in my life. I want my solution to sail in on a hot air balloon, too.

Maybe it's our modern American life, but I doubt it. The Israelites were the same when they built a golden calf when Moses was up getting those commandments (dude, I'll be right back) or despaired that God didn't bring them swiftly to the promised land.

It's the condition of our human souls, I think, to desperately want an end to suffering. I'm not sure the desire for quick fixes is a bad thing. I mean, if healing can come quickly, by all means, PLEASE bring it. 

But the real problem for me is my lack of trust in the Lord and impatience by working outside of His will for a quick answer.

I'm in a season now. It's one in which I have blessing upon blessing but fear upon fear that it will all go away. It's hard to talk about but I imagine I'm not the only one that deals with anxiety. It's also not the first time this has happened, but I'm supposed to be able to pray Philippians 4:6 and all my mental anguish will disappear. But it doesn't. Or maybe I should take a pill, and it will all be better. But it isn't.

I am in this struggle to discern if I have a chemical imbalance or a spiritual one, and in realizing the answer is probably both, I'm tempted to despair.

Because I really want a quick fix. I want to take a special pill or pray a verse and be able to sleep at night.

There's this Barenaked ladies song from the 90's. One line goes "You gotta kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight." Answers may take a while. They may not sail in on a balloon. They may not even come this side of heaven. But it will happen. For we serve the One who is the Light of the world (John 9:5)

I think maybe this is one where I'm just gonna have to sit here for a while, kicking at darkness, praying for Daylight.

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