Saturday, August 23, 2014

This post took me entirely too long to write.

Blame it on my upbringing, my elementary school professional experience, or my burgeoning type A personality, but I am constantly aware of the rapid passing of time.

When I was in college, I read this book by John Piper called Don't Waste Your Life. In all honesty, I read the back cover and first two pages, which is generally how things go with me and John Piper. It kind of messed me up because ever since then, I have been terrified of wasting time.

In an attempt to describe how my brain works, I tend to visualize units of time like Tetris pieces that need to fit together perfectly. I wake up every morning trying to guide those little pieces into comforting alignment.

This leads me to do crazy things like read textbooks while I nurse and freak out if I buy too many fresh vegetables for fear I won't have time to cook them before they rot.

Are you familiar with The Five Love Languages? Can you guess what mine is?

I have written before about how I am learning how to sit and be still, and I say learning because it lets me get away with not actually "getting" it.

 One of my favorite things about my daughter is that she doesn't care about time. She doesn't care that it's Nine O'Clock and Should Be Nap Time because she's ready to play. She does this really cute thing where she'll be nursing and suddenly stop, look me in the eye, and start cracking up. She's not thinking about the fact that if she doesn't eat now, that will push mommy's departure time back 10 minutes, making her late for a meeting.

It can be maddening, but I envy it.

But mostly, I'm thankful that she's teaching me that time is less of a thing to be managed and more of a gift to be joyfully given.

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